I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
