and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
