I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize