love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
