apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
