Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I have peed in a lot of sinks
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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