Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
