I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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