Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
