she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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