When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
