YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
