Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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