There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You did what with his pubic hair?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
