She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
