forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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