So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Do you still have your period?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
