p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
it glows. i had to have it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
