He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
