I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
