I heard we made out
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
