in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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