I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
A+ Viking dick
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