RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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