you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
