They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
