kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
