i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
