I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
