Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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