I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
im about as happy as oj after his trial
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
