Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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