When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
