I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
