Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I am spending my child support on dildos
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you win again, gameday.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
