ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
