I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
pray to the hookup gods
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
