I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Even my vagina gasped.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
