SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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