I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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