dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
