My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
