I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
