Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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