Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
