i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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