True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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