so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
