pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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