I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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