Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I think my fart just growled at me.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
