I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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