i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
