:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
