Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
