i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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