He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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