My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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