Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
