you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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