remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I've blown a few things in my day
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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