when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
