Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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