i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
