just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
