in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
