i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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