i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
