Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
