Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
