Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
