Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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