hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
